What I Learned in Therapy 2/10

Click herCurrent Reading: Atomic habits - James Clear (55%), Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman (audio) (18.5 Hours remaining), and How to Change Your Mind - Michael Pollan (pg. 320).
Supplemental Engagements: "All or Nothing - Manchester City" and "All or Nothing - Tottenham Hotspurs"
​Admittedly, I got sucked into this show and thoroughly enjoyed the inside look at these elite clubs within the English Premier League. Three things that stood out most: 1) The cultural impact of these football clubs on their cities/ localities is profound, 2) Major financial investments are being made in the Premier League to create conditions of high performance in their coaches and athletes. (Little to no mention of investment in mental performance or mental health services but I would be surprised if this is not becoming an integrated part of their approach), 3) Adaptability is everything; whether to injuries (which are inevitable given the load the athletes are under), coaching changes, or global pandemics. Teams that take ownership and find ways through challenges together appeared to be the most successful. Other features that stand out: the introduction of Jose Mourinho at Tottenham was a fascinating process of transformation to see. Also, watching a professional club grapple with COVID on a personal, competitive, and financial level is important knowledge to gain for anyone interested in the world of elite sport. Check it out ! 
Concepts Covered: 
- The desire to be liked v. being respected: Most often, being liked is the past of least resistance compared to being respected. Being respected requires communicating clear and easy to recognized boundaries, and then holding all parties (self included) to those boundaries. This can mean carrying out agreed upon consequences that makes others uncomfortable. When others are uncomfortable (with not meeting an agreed upon expectation) they may project that discomfort and claim that we are the source of their discomfort. This activates the fear of not being liked, which can prompt the creation of exceptions or conceding on our needs instead of continuing to hold a valued boundary with others. In the long-term, we will be respected for creating conditions for others to change. It shows our belief in their ability to grow and find new ways to deal with challenges. Adjusting our boundaries in order to be liked will only discourage change and enable the same frustrating behaviors to be repeated. 
- Social consistency: Instead of putting pressure on yourself to maintain strong friendships with quality interactions, focus on consistency. Especially through COVID, the pressure for every interaction to be good and meaningful can get in the way of maintaining human connection. We are all social creatures (of course there is a variety of expressions of this) and clunky but consistent is always going to be a better long-term strategy than sparing "high pressure" connections. Because if you haven't realized it by now, we are in the "long-game" with social restrictions and quarantining for some time still to come. What can "consistency" look like? Here are a few ideas: Create a standing weekly call with close friends. This is a time to check in each week and you can feel comfort knowing that if there is something you need to bring up, you have space for it. Another idea is to create a type of check in each week. Make Fridays for discussions about new music. Or maybe do a "food draft" in which everyone chooses their favorite fast food or Halloween candy. Having a topic or activity can really relieve some pressure on the interaction. Starting to sound like a book club? Good. Because there is a reason book clubs are great examples of socialization. 
Other Engagements: Deep Work, Pomodoro Method, Binaural Beats for Studying and Relaxation (Jodie Hutton Youtube channel), One Night in Miami (Netflix), and Realms of Human Unconsciousness - Graf
Future Directions:  New Hypnosis recordings for relaxation, integration of mental health services for athletic performance in elite programs, and review of Can't Hurt Me

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All inquiries can be directed to ajs@aelperformance.come to edit.